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Yea...so today started out as an absolutely great day but now it absolutely sucks and I think I'm about to have some sort of a breakdown and I sure hope I don't go crazy...which is why I am venting in my diary that I haven't written in what seems like forever. During the day my friends and I ditched after our break and went to go watch "X-Men" which was cool then we walked around downtown for awhile and had to return to school to do the "Best of Broadway", I was just crew. Well when we get back that's when I started to go from the top of my happy scale, and gradually end up at the bottom where I am right now. This is the third day of the show...and each day seems to just be getting worse... First day was cool, I was able to help out some people backstage and carry on some conversations while people waited for their scene. Second day...felt useless and not wanted...and alone...sat on staircase to prop room entire time wondering "why the fuck am I here", then remembered, "oh stupid fucking me I broke curfew on field trip and have hours to make up." Yes...I'd probably be doing crew any ways...but not if finding out there was nothing to do. Today I didn't stay backstage, but went outside and helped with tickets and stuff. I wasn't as...bored and blah...but it still wasn't the same as the first day... So afterwards, I was talking with different friends and it was fun and I really didn't want to go home, and my friend invited me to go to the movies with some other people. The theatre is right by my house and I had a ride home but my mom says "no" for no reason. So we get home and first I have to put up with my asshole stepdad so I basically just ignored whatever shit he had to said because right now I could fucking care less. Then I try to watch TV because there's nothing else to do and he wants to finish watching some damn movie so the TV is taken away. So now here I am stuck in my bedroom about to go out of mind, and I think I'm going to go make myself a snack. I'm not depressed...lol...I'm just hungry. I haven't eaten since the afternoon when I had to go around downtown asking for money because I was so broke. All I have to say is: Damnit. I sure hope our cast party is FUN FUN FUN tomorrow and I'm not like unwanted and rejected and whatever during the play...I still don't know whether to stay backstage or go in the house...depends how I feel I guess. Well that's all...sorry if this is such a bitchy entry but I really needed to vent because I'm really bored and mad and sad and frustrated and I need something to be a little happier at the moment, and that's writing in my diary for the first time in months. Sorry peeps!! Really! :) much luv, Chrissy |